brother/sister relationships - a trend?

In ancient times, it was a common practice for older men to marry much younger girls. For ancient women, their fate and happiness depended on whom they married. In those times, a woman's worth was based on her fertility because a woman's utmost duty was to give birth to lots of children, thus continuing the family name for another generation. Therefore, women were married off at very young ages (sometimes after they had their first period) because it's common knowledge that as women age, their fertility decreases and the risks increase (hard pregnancy/labor, genetic disorders/malformations in the child).

Ancient societies didn't value women and treated them as goods. Families would sell their young daughters as wives (or concubines) in order to survive.

Times have changed since the days of matchmaking and forced marriages, but the social norm is still the same. Couples are still composed of mostly older man/younger woman. Why is that? My theory is that girls mature at a much quicker pace than boys (both physically and mentally). Therefore, to make up for this "gap," women go for older men. They are better able to provide for them emotionally, physically, and financially. Men are more attractive to younger women for obvious physical reasons, but also because they are seen to be more fertile and vibrant. When men marry, they do it to create a family, to procreate. The chance of having children declines with age for women, but men's fertility lasts much longer.

However, in recent years, a new trend is rising, set off by Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Their relationship was heavily publicized and "controversial" because she was 15 years older than he. It's almost become something like a fad... something so non-conventional and "taboo" that it is ever-the-more tempting.

La Femme Desperado focuses on this trend - the brother/sister relationship.

Tempting... isn't it?
It's human nature to be curious, to defy (especially if told to "stay away"), and give in to temptation. In the Book of Genesis, God forbade Adam and Eve from eating the fruit from the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. However, a serpent lured Eve into eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil - and she did and shared with Adam. Thus, the "original sin" happened and man fell.

A similar concept applies to taboos - things in society that we avoid to escape conflict and controversy. However, being told something is "bad" makes people more curious as to "why." Hence, the brother/sister relationship falls into this category. Why is the "norm" in relationships an older man/younger woman? Why is it so controversial when the ages are reversed? Why is it shocking to find a younger man with an older woman, but not so much when a younger woman is with an older man?

These questions lure some people into experimenting.

[I do also believe that Ashton and Demi made the relationship seem attractive, trendy, and cool - but I won't dwell into that.]

Heavy doubt on the relationship



Ko Ling (Melissa Ng) feels very insecure about her relationship with Chai Foon (Raymond Lam). She rejected the relationship from the start because she found it ridiculous that he had a long-time crush on her. Ling had tutored Siu Chai when he was in primary school and he is the same age as her younger brother. She kept saying that he was too young and immature. "I'm older than you! I make more money than you, my position in the company is higher than yours! People will laugh if they find out! I'm so embarrassed," she screamed once she realized his love declaration.

However, Siu Chai pressed on and eventually touched Ling with his sincerity. Still, Ling felt uneasy about the relationship because of their seven-year age difference. For anyone, a sense of security and comfort is crucial for happiness. Ling just didn't feel this with Siu Chai from the start and even when they were "happily" together. A man offers a woman a sense of security physically through his physique, emotionally through his support, and being financially stable. Ling made more money than Siu Chai and she was more experienced and held a higher position in their company. In these ways, she felt like she was more of the "breadwinner."

It didn't help that Siu Chai was very reckless. He would act on a limb without thorough thought or consideration. If he felt passionate about something, he would just go out and do it. This "immature" behavior of his scared Ling and caused her to lose faith in him (and their relationship because of all the "pressure" that she felt from it not being conventional).

From the start to the end, Siu Chai never once doubted their love. He loved her since he was ten and had faith that she would love him back. He didn't mind that she was his senior and never once did he mention anything about her being "older." The only thing that he had a problem with was his own pride. Men hate feeling inferior. It's a constant strive for them to feel superior in some way. Siu Chai minded that he wasn't as experienced or making as much money as his wife. To feel "lower" than your woman is not a good feeling and men have difficulty accepting this because society teaches boys to be/feel superior. It's because of this that he worked so hard and tried desperately to prove himself capable.

Statistics show that brother/sister relationships mostly end because the woman has a problem with the age difference. The man usually doesn't mind; it is the woman who minds. Femme showcases this with Ling's constant worries and how she ultimately divorces him because she loses her faith in them being together.

So how does society put pressure on the couple?

Biased against the woman
As women age, their fertility of course declines and it becomes much riskier for them to have children. There's also a higher risk that the baby will have some sort deformity or problem. For men, though, their fertility is sustained far longer than women. In-laws (especially the "notorious" mother-in-law) are prejudice when a woman is of high age because they fear she won't bear children.

In Femme, Siu Chai's mother (Mary Hon) was outraged with Ling and her son's relationship. She wouldn't have him be with her because she was so "old." This relates to the prejudice against older women in regards to fertility. When people marry, everyone expects them to have babies (at least one) because a family isn't complete without a child. If marriage is made to establish a family, how can a child be missing?

Of course, women are also ridiculed for being promiscuous for "seducing" younger men. (But older men are also criticized as being horny when they go after younger women too so it's "fair.") Certainly, the young man wouldn't just go after such an older woman on purpose, right? So, of course it must be the woman who was so overtly sexual that lured him.

Thus, the woman is looked at with negativity.

Biased against the man
Men are attracted to women for three possible reasons - their looks, their personality, or their money. It's no secret that youth is attractive, so when a young man pursues an older woman, this raises a lot of eyebrows. Why doesn't he go for someone his age or younger? If the older woman is well-established (or rich), then people will always think that he's after her for her money (the same with young women who pursue rich, older men). This older woman is his "sugar mama." There is always doubt in the public's eye when a man turns away younger women for older ones.

If it isn't for the money, then people will think the relationship is only for "fun." Perhaps the guy has a fantasy of being with an older woman and is just living it out for the time being; it's just a "fling"... another woman that that he wants to hook up with and call score. People just can't believe that the relationship is serious.

These are the ways in which the man is thought of when he has this type of relationship.

Difficulties the brother/sister relationship has to overcome
In a brother/sister relationship, the man and woman are both viewed cynically. It's often this "pressure" that results from society being unable to accept them that breaks the couple up. It's human nature to desire acceptance. We hate to be viewed as "odd" because it's a very uneasy and troubling feeling. (We've all felt it at one point or another.) We become insecure and then doubt and question ourselves when we're in such a situation. Any relationship is hard to maintain and when "society" looks down upon it and thinks it's going to fail because it's so unconventional, it just becomes too much and the breaking point is met.

Getting over other people's thoughts is probably the most difficult obstacle that the brother/sister relationship has to triumph over.

TVB - Groundbreaking or unintentional?
Several series since and before Femme also feature a brother/sister relationship. Let's take a look at a few of them.


Raymond Lam and Charmaine Sheh as ancient lovers

Charmaine Sheh and Sammul Chan marry in Point of No Return

"TVB's ex-no.1 sister" Jessica Hsuan shares a kiss with rising actor Bosco Wong in Life Made Simple

Yoyo Mung seduces Raymond Lam in the upcoming Heart of Greed

Sonija Kwok and Sammul Chan get it on in On The First Beat

Charmaine Sheh and Raymond Lam pair as a modern couple

Now, the big question is this... is TVB incorporating brother/sister relationships because it's an intriguing and hot modern topic or are they doing this for another reason? For Femme there's no doubt that it was a main focus, but for other series, I have a theory. I don't want to sound cynical, but I don't believe TVB is having so many brother/sister relationships because they want to be up-to-date with contemporary issues. It's more because they simply have an imbalance of actors and actresses.

With each year, the beauty pageants bring a new batch of young girls into the TVB pool. However, they are so fresh and young that they are inexperienced and do not have massive and established fan bases like those of the established actresses. Therefore, TVB is becoming less inclined to give them leading roles and start them out with supporting instead (which is a good thing).

It's no secret that TVB is short of actors. These days, if it isn't Raymond, it's Ron Ng or Bosco Wong leading series. The experienced, older actors all either left (Gallen Lo, Gordon Lam, Marco Ngai, etc.) or do limited series. The younger generation of actors (although all are popular and successful) is less costly and selective. TVB can work them harder because they are young and less "demanding" than actors with a bigger profile. Hence, TVB casts them as leads in more series.

However, this is where the problem arises - the "older" generation of actresses is still leading. Therefore, TVB has no choice but to "mix" the ages and produce brother/sister couples. Sadly, I believe that is the reason why there are quite a bit of brother/sister pairings lately. (And also why Raymond is the "lucky man" of choice - he holds the highest status of the younger actors.)

Will they last?
If people continue to leave to pursue the mainland market, TVB will be left with younger generation actors and actresses to be in the majority of its productions. If this is the case, then we will once again see the relationship "norm" in series. Until then, brother/sister relationships will be a constituent of TVB.

What about in real life? Every couple is different and every relationship requires a lot of work between two people. I cannot make judgments on whether the brother/sister relationship will continue to be trendy, but I do think it will always be around. However, I doubt it will overcome the older man/younger woman norm. Our society is just too rooted and established on the older man/younger woman relationship that anything else seems unconventional.

What do you guys think? Will this trend decline or will it become more popular? Will you ever be in a brother/sister relationship? Are you in accordance with society's "norm" with older man/younger woman pairings?