Fan Fiction |
by MetalAZNWarrior
Nim Chi (Nancy Sit) returns home from her morning exercises to the sound of pounding. "What's going on?" she demands.
"Second sister-in-law refuses to open up!" Ah Yat (Joyce Chen) explains.
"Your second daughter-in-law has been using the bathroom for over an hour!" Gam (Louis Yuen) exclaims. "I have to expel poison!"
"Aiya! She's pregnant! You guys be patient. Pregnant women take longer because they have to be careful. This is Ah Lo's ninth month!" Nim Chi says.
The bathroom door finally opens. Ah Lo (Bondy Chiu) yells, "Can't you people have a little patience? Pregnant women are at the utmost priority! It's very stressful and tiring for me to be carrying twins for nine months! I would like to see you guys try carrying babies!"
"Ah Lo, calm down! Anger is not good for your babies," Nim Chi urges. "Go and rest on the couch. I'll prepare breakfast now."
"Even worse! I could die from food poisoning!" Ah Lo says.
"How can you talk to Ma Chi like that? Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're the biggest person here!" Ah Yat argues.
"Judging from your husband, you'll never get to experience being pregnant," Ah Lo rolls her eyes.
"You wait and see!" Ah Yat is furious.
"Everyone, calm down!"
"Ah Lo seems especially irritable and touchy these days," Rose (Kenix Kwok) observes.
"Maybe a sudden surge of hormonal imbalance in her final month?" Ah Nin (Frankie Lam) suggests.
"Perhaps. She has been more hotheaded than usual," Ying Gei (Yvonne Lam) adds.
"More? Ha! She is still the same bitchy way as always," Ah Yat rolls her eyes.
"Ah Yuet!" Ah Lo shouts, "My foot is cramped! Come massage it!"
Ah Yuet (Michael Tse) sighs as he emerges from his bedroom door. "Coming, honey!" He mumbles under his breath, "She better give birth soon!"
[Nim Chi's Bedroom]
"Foon Foon, Hei Hei!" Ah Lo greets.
"Mama!" they say in unison and hug her.
"Foon Foon, Hei Hei, mommy's going to give birth soon."
Hei Hei points to Ah Lo's big belly.
"That's right, two in fact," Ah Lo raises two fingers.
Foon Foon points, "T-t-two."
"I can't believe you two are almost three years old!" Ah Lo smiles. She remembers how angry she was when she first realized she was pregnant with Foon Foon and Hei Hei. She became pregnant because she had purchased cheap birth control pills that were fake and ineffective. She resisted having kids, but time allowed her to see that having kids wasn't that bad. They could be costly and troublesome, but when she held Foon Foon and Hei Hei in her arms, every trouble was worth it.
"When I give birth, you two will have another brother or sister to play with!" Ah Lo picks the two of them up and places them on her lap. "Foon Foon and Hei Hei, do you want mommy to have a boy or a girl?"
Hei Hei points to himself, "M-m-me... b-boy!"
Ah Lo laughs, "That's right!"
Hei Hei grins.
Foon Foon pouts and repeats what Hei Hei said, "B-b-b-b-o-o-y!"
Ah Lo kisses Foon Foon and Hei Hei, "My two sons are very smart!"
Nim Chi watches this scene from the door and smiles. Ah Lo could be fierce, but when no one was looking, she was loving and sweet.
["Tung Mat Yuen" Café]
"Because this is my final month," Ah Lo announces, "I've decided that I will be going out every day."
Ah Yat laughs, "Trying to leech off your pregnancy again? Give me a break! You tried that with Foon Foon and Hei Hei and where did you give birth? Right here, in 'Tung Mat Yuen!' Where do you plan to give birth next? 'McDonald's'?"
"That's not a bad idea! That means free fast food for the rest of her life. Because Ah Lo isn't going to regain her figure, it won't matter how much fast food she eats, isn't that right?" Gam teases.
Ying Gei (Yvonne Lam) sighs, "I wish I had the privilege to choose where to give birth!"
Ah Lo retaliates, "You know where you should give birth, Ah Yat?"
"Where?"
"A funeral home! Then you can die from childbirth and won't have to waste money for a funeral!"
"Ah Lo! Wash your mouth! Don't say such things of bad luck!" Nim Chi scolds.
"Ah Yuet! I don't want to go to work today!"
"You'll have to until you give birth," Ah Yuet says, "Then you'll have a month off!"
"Maybe I should retire and become a housewife like my mom."
The thought of Ah Lo becoming a 'Fa Kei Sam' for the new generation frightens everyone.
"If you stay home restless all day, you'll become fat and ugly!" Gam says.
"Let's not mention the ugly part, but you've always thought so highly of your stick figure, don't let it go to waste!" Ah Yat adds.
"That's right. Don't ever retire and become a housewife!" Ah Yuet urges. He shudders imagining Ah Lo as her mother and he as her father.
"Tommorow's Sunday!" Ah Lo announces, "We can go camping!"
Ah Yat laughs, "Don't you remember what happened the last time we went camping and you were in your final month? We can't take another scare!"
"I'm so bored and restless!" Ah Lo exclaims.
"You shouldn't be so lazy and hog the bathroom every morning!" Gam says.
Ah Lo pouts and yells, "Fine!" She leaves "Tung Mat Yuen" and runs upstairs.
Nim Chi is worried and follows her.
[Kam Family Apartment, Nim Chi's Bedroom]
The door to Nim Chi's bedroom is open. Nim Chi assumes that Ah Lo must be in there. Quietly, Nim Chi tiptoes to her room and glances at a sight of Ah Lo hugging Foon Foon and Hei Hei and crying. "Foon Foon, Hei Hei, you two are the only ones who don't upset me," Ah Lo says.
[Apartment Rooftop]
That night, Nim Chi held a meeting on the rooftop during "Gai Dai Foon Siu"'s timeslot.
Gam angrily complains, "Auntie Chi, what the hell are you doing? Couldn't you have taken us up here for a meeting when that stupid production on tofu was on? You know we all love 'Gai Dai Foon Siu!'"
"That's right! Yesterday's episode was so exciting and hilarious!" Ah Yuet adds.
Nim Chi scoffs, "You're all worried about a ridiculous sitcom?"
"Of course! We Kams live to see 'Gai Dai Foon Siu!'" Gam answers.
"Uncle, don't worry! We recorded it in our apartment!" Fiona (Sherming Yiu) says.
"Really? I thought you didn't like comedies! You only like palace dramas!"
Fiona smiles, "Living here for the past few months have changed things."
Gam extends his hand towards Fiona, "Congratulations! You've finally adapted and become a Hong Kong citizen!"
Fiona shakes his hand.
Ah Sing playfully shakes his head, "Fiona, I'm afraid if you keep staying around here, you'll turn into a female version of H5N1!"
"What's wrong with that? I'm very welcomed, isn't that right?" Gam laughs.
"Ma Chi, why did you call us up here?" asks Ah Nin.
"It's about Ah Lo!"
"Ah Lo? What's there to discuss? She's down there laughing her head off to 'Gai Dai Foon Siu!'" Gam protests.
"That's exactly why I chose this time to call a meeting. Ah Lo wouldn't miss 'Gai Dai Foon Siu! It's the best time to hold a secret meeting," Nim Chi explains.
"Secret meeting? I hardly call the apartment's rooftop a 'secret'," observes Rose. She thinks in her head, "Stupid fat woman."
"Ma Chi, you worry too much over nothing!" Ah Yat sighs.
"That's exactly the root of the problem with Ah Lo!" Nim Chi asserts.
"What do you mean? We give her all the attention she wants!" Gam argues.
"The wrong kind of attention! You all give her negative energy and argue with her every chance you get. How is a pregnant woman suppose to relax and feel stress-free when her family all teases her?" Nim Chi asks.
"But that is the method of the Kams! Besides, we can't change Ah Lo's true nature!" Gam says.
"Do you all know what I saw today?" Nim Chi questions.
"Auntie Chi, did my charm work and you met the man of your dreams?" Ying Gei excitedly asks.
"No! I saw Ah Lo crying," Nim Chi reflects, "She looked really sad as she was holding Foon Foon and Hei Hei."
Ah Yat laughs, "Second sister-in-law crying? No, no! Don't even put those two words together."
"That's right, Ah Lo has no tears!" Gam says.
"Ah Yat, uncle, don't be so nasty! She's my wife, after all!" Ah Yuet scolds.
"That's the problem! Whenever you guys argue with Ah Lo, it's only me or Ah Yuet who will stick up for her!" Nim Chi says.
"What's wrong with that? That's how it's always been!"
"It's not good for Ah Lo to be upset, angry, or stressed! Don't you all want her to give birth to healthy babies?"
"We do, but 'Gai Dai Foon Siu' is enough to relieve her stress!"
Nim Chi shakes her head, "You guys are impossible!"
Ah Sing speaks up, "What do you want us to do then, Ma Chi?"
"Be a little nicer to Ah Lo! Instead of arguing with her, why don't you console her? Share her woes!" Nim Chi suggests.
"How can we? None of us are pregnant!"
Ah Nin says, "We can if we just put a little effort. I agree with Ma Chi. Ah Lo has been arguing fiercely these days, and it's not just because of hormonal imbalance or a sudden feeling of stress in her final month of pregnancy. If you guys didn't say such nasty things to her or pick fights, then Ah Lo would have no reason to argue so much every day!"
Rose supports Ah Nin, "It takes two keys to rattle. One key alone cannot make any noise."
Ah Sing nods, "I agree with Ah Nin and Rose."
Nim Chi smiles, "The eldest ones sure are the most mature and understanding! Will you all just be a little nicer to Ah Lo?"
Everyone reluctantly nods his or her head.
In the dark shadows, Ah Lo grins as she watches the meeting from the inside hallway that led to the entry of the rooftop.