Fan Fiction |
by MetalAZNWarrior
Three months had passed since Fu jai and Gwai mui's birth and with the Chinese New Year coming up, Nim Chi (Nancy Sit) decided that it would be a good idea to have the ceremony where the babies "chose" their future careers. She said that it would be a nice way for them to wrap up their first "year" of being alive. The floor of the living room was cleared to make room for Fu jai and Gwai mui's ceremony. A white blanket was laid out on the floor and various items were placed on it. Each item represented a different profession. The entire family was crowded around waiting for Fu jai and Gwai mui to come out.
Ah Lo (Bondy Chiu) and Ah Yuet (Michael Tse) bought them out with a smile. Ah Lo was confident that this time her babies would make the right choices. Two years ago, Foon Foon and Hei Hei had picked the wrong things and scared them. They grabbed beads and a cross, signifying a monk and a priest respectively. Ah Lo prays that Fu jai and Gwai mui would not make such a mistake with their ceremony.
Ah Lo clears her throat and tells everyone to move away, "Last time we did it incorrectly! We shouldn't have done it in 'Tung Mat Yuen' because it was too crowded and we were too close to Foon Foon and Hei Hei! This time, we'll let Fu jai and Gwai mui choose on their own will without any pressure from us."
Ah Yat (Joyce Chen) snickers, "Second sister-in-law, if it's meant to be that Foon Foon and Hei Hei will become a monk and a priest, we can't stop the future, now can we? Just accept it and move on! Besides, what's wrong with being a monk and a priest? They'll bring our family more good fortune!"
"Save that profession for your own kids!" Ah Lo retorts.
Ah Yuet and Ah Lo place their babies on the floor near the white blanket. The babies begin crawling towards the objects. To them, the objects seemed infinite and each attractive in their own way. Fu jai makes his way towards a stethoscope and stares at it.
"Yes!" Ah Lo exclaims. "Grab it, Fu jai! The marathons of 'Healing Hands' worked!"
"So that's why we've been watching 'Healing Hands' lately..." Ah Yuet says.
"What? They're great series!"
"So you want Fu jai to grow up to be like the doctors in 'Healing Hands'?" Ah Yat asks.
"Of course! They are cool and compassionate! Most of all, they make lots of money!" Ah Lo grins.
"So I guess you want Fu jai to be involved in multiple relationships and have affairs. What kind of doctor do you want Fu jai to be if you want him to follow what he sees on 'Healing Hands'? Those doctors are so messy with their love lives!" Ah Yat comments.
Ah Lo is disappointed when Fu jai moves away from the stethoscope. Gwai mui eyes a gavel. Ah Lo's spirit is recovered. She urges, "Grab it Gwai mui! Being a lawyer is a professional and smart career choice for a woman these days! Being my daughter, she will be both beautiful and have a sharp tongue! She will make a great lawyer and bring in a lot of money!"
"So that explains the 'Files of Justice' VCDs that arrived in the mail lately," Ah Hong (Johnny Tang) observes.
"Lawyers are all liars. You want your daughter to grow up to be a liar? Then again, that's what you do every day. Your daughter will only be following her mother and using your best trait to make money." Ah Yat shakes her head.
"It's because of ridiculous people like you who bring lawyers money! You're always sticking your nose into people's business and suing for the tiniest things. Lawyers lie only because their clients force them to so they can win the case," Ah Lo says.
"It seems to me that you just described your mother!" Ah Yat laughs.
Ah Lo ignores Ah Yat and yells, "Gwai mui! Take the gavel!"
Nim Chi turns to Ah Lo and says, "No outer persuasions! You said so yourself!"
"Sorry." Ah Lo sighs when she sees Gwai mui turn away from the gavel.
Nim Chi beams when she notices that Fu jai's plump hand is near a gun. "The gun is great! Be a policeman, Fu jai! It's manly and cool! You get to use a gun like your grandmother and put bad guys in jail!"
Ah Lo shakes her head, "Mother-in-law, no outer inference! You said so just now."
Nim Chi blushes. "What's wrong with being a police cadet? It's a great career with many benefits!"
"You tried that with Foon Foon and Hei Hei. It won't work. My children will not risk their lives to save others."
"Gosh, you're so selfish second sister-in-law!" Ah Yat comments.
"It's true! The chance that a police cadet could die on the job is high! It's too risky. Plus, after watching 'The Academy,' I don't want my children to go through such lengths and torture!" Ah Lo argues.
"Being a police cadet is cool," Ah Yuet says. Ah Lo steps on Ah Yuet's foot. He grimaces and changes his words, "It's cool and has great benefits like what Ma Chi said, but it's not for everyone."
Ah Lo smiles triumphantly when Fu jai doesn't pick up the gun.
"Your kids sure are unique," Gam (Louis Yuen) says.
"What?" Ah Lo demands.
"They didn't pick the three biggest career choices of today's society! Doctor, lawyer, and police cadet, they passed it up!"
"So? There are still other career choices!" Ah Lo grows nervous because she's not sure what they would pick. She closes her eyes because she can't take the suspense. She tells Ah Yuet to notify her when Fu jai and Gwai mui make their choices. Before Ah Yuet has a chance to tell Ah Lo to open her eyes, she opens them herself at the sound of clapping. To her horror, Gwai mui is holding a bra while Fu jai plays with an empty medicine bottle. "Oh my god! How could they pick those and who left a bra on the blanket?!"
"Second sister-in-law, don't take it so seriously! It's just a fun game," Ah Yat says.
"That's right, second daughter-in-law, their choices aren't bad!" Nim Chi urges.
"Not bad? My daughter chose a bra! Does this mean she will become a prostitute? My son chose drugs! He will become an addict! This is terrible! It's even worse than Foon Foon and Hei Hei's choices of beads and a cross!"
"You're so shallow," Ah Yat rolls her eyes. "The medicine bottle represents a pharmacist! They make a lot of money as well! You should be happy that your son chose it. It's a growing career with many benefits! Plus it's not as stressful as being a doctor! When we grow old, we can depend on Fu jai for our medicine!"
Like that, a light shone on Ah Lo and she smiles, "That's right! I forgot about pharmacists!"
Ah Yat clears her throat, "On the other hand, we'll have to worry about Gwai mui. Picking the bra means that she will be vain and even slutty!"
Ah Lo rolls her eyes, "There's a saying that nieces will be like their aunts. Does this mean that she will be like you?"
"There's no such saying! I'm very classy and don't sell out my looks!"
"Only because you don't have any to sell! If you did, you could have slept your way up to being a top TVB actress. You wouldn't have had to keep playing those extra roles that were so insignificant! Luckily you changed your mind and became a director before your youth was gone!"
Ah Yat is furious and stomps out of the room. Ah Hong chases after her.
"Second daughter-in-law, that was too much!" Nim Chi scolds.
"Auntie Chi, you can't blame them! If they don't bicker, they can't live, isn't that right?" Gam laughs.
"Poor Gwai mui," Ying Gei (Yvonne Lam) says. "She will become a prostitute."
Ah Lo yells, "No, she won't!"
"Then why did she choose a bra?"
"A bra represents feminine beauty! This signifies that she will be very pretty! In fact, I think this means she will become a Miss Hong Kong!" Ah Lo presses.
"You really are something," Gam compliments.
"What?"
"You can change something totally around just so that it will be pleasing to your eyes. The truth is the truth. A bra represents seductiveness and sexuality! Your daughter will not be a sweet and conservative Miss Hong Kong!"
"Gam!" Nim Chi hisses, "That's no way to talk about your grand niece!" She turns towards Ah Lo, "Don't worry too much second daughter-in-law, it's only a game! There's no logic behind this! Things will change when your children grow up."
Ah Lo smiles, "You're right... but Fu jai will definitely become a pharmacist!"
Fu jai and Gwai mui start to wail on the white blanket. "Their diapers must need changing."
Ah Yuet fetches two diapers. He lays Fu jai down and undresses him. "Is anyone going to help me change Gwai mui's diaper?"
Ah Lo smiles, "You're their father! You can do both of them. It wouldn't be fair if you changed one and not the other."
"Ma Chi?"
"I left the boiler on the stove! I have to go turn it off!" Nim Chi runs to the kitchen.
Ying Gei gets on her knees and takes the diaper from Ah Yuet, "I'll help you."
"Thanks, sister OK."
"Don't mention it."
Ah Yuet screams when he opens Fu jai's diaper.
"What happened?"
"Fu jai's 'thing' is missing!"
"Don't be silly!" Ying Gei beams. "It's perfectly fine."
"What are you talking about? Look!"
"Marco, you're their father and can't even tell who is who?" Ying Gei shakes her head. "The one you are changing is Gwai mui."
"What are you talking about? Pink is Gwai mui and blue is Fu jai!"
Ying Gei opens the diaper of the baby that she was changing, "See! Fu jai is fine!"
"Oh my god! Who dressed them the wrong colors?" Ah Yuet demands.
"What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? Fu jai is wearing pink and Gwai mui is wearing blue!"
"It's a fresh change," Ying Gei insists. She adds, "You two are too outdated! Keep up with modern times! Pink is fashionable for men these days! It's no longer a 'sissy' color! It takes courage to wear pink! Fu jai, you're man enough for pink right? Blue is great for both boys and girls! So why can't Gwai mui wear blue? I wanted a change for them!"
"Sister OK, you...!" Ah Yuet is exasperated. He calms his nerves and says, "The reason we gave them two distinct colors was so that it would be easier to recognize who was who. Why did you go and mess everything up?"
"This isn't Foon Foon and Hei Hei. If we take off their diapers, we'll know who is who!"
"That's too troublesome!"
"God! You two are the laziest parents I have ever met!" Ying Gei finishes up changing Fu jai.
"Wait! If the two were switched, this means their futures are totally different!" Ah Lo gasps.
Ying Gei is confused, "So Gwai mui will be a pharmacist now... but what will Fu jai be?"
"Seeing how he picked a bra, we will have to worry about him even more! This means he will be a drag queen! Don't worry, though, we can send him to Thailand when he becomes of age! Those drag queens make a lot of money in Thailand!" Gam teases.
Ah Lo is pissed, "Shut up!"
"He chose a bra..." Ying Gei says.
Ah Yuet speaks up, "You guys misunderstood! This just means that he'll be like his daddy! He'll be popular with the ladies!"
Ah Lo grabs Ah Yuet's ear, "Are you so popular with the ladies? Who? Names!"
Ah Yuet laughs, "I meant he will have lots of ladies chasing him, but he will be faithful to only one!"
"Kam Yuet! Are you telling me that you have many women who want to seduce you? Who? Tell me their names!" Ah Lo demands.
"Honey! I was talking about Fu jai, not me!"
"You said he would be like his daddy and popular with women, what does that mean?!" Ah Lo raises her eyebrow.
Ah Yuet explains, "This means he will be attractive to women and pick a beautiful wife like his mom. He will also have luck like me and marry someone wonderful like you."
Ah Lo smiles, "Much better."
Ah Yuet exhales an air of relief.
Ah Lo grabs Ah Yuet's ear again, "But who are those other women whom you say you're popular around?!" Ah Yuet looks helplessly around the room.